Bengay, Vagina Spasms and the return of the Covid Cavaliers vs Boston Rebels
Author: James Fry

April 24th 2021

There was a decided air of excitement as the Covid Cavaliers reunited for the first T20 match in the Dynasty Cup for the Cavs 2nd XI in the 2021 season. A week on from two authoritative wins for the 1st XI and a memorable father/son moment for Reverend Green and P-Bomb(#250), the boys of 2020 partook of some socially distanced reunion back slapping as we rocked up to a picture perfect 70 degree day and an outfield looking like a bowling green. A bowling green that had been left abandoned for 25 years and had seen mother nature claw it back with an assortment of New England weeds and deteriorating soil base albeit.

Skipper Wright, assessing the solid looking bowling attack and fragile looking batting line-up decided to bowl and happily the Boston Rebels agreed as they won the toss and opted to bat, having just scored 198 for 2 against Hoysala Padawans. Wright Sr decided against wearing the club blazer for the toss in much the same way he decided against bringing spare club kit or assigning match managers. Maxed out before a ball was bowled.

The Cavs were backing their opening bowlers - Naga Reddy and Jonny “Rocket” Wright to do the business and get the Cavs off to a roaring start and put pressure on the cocky rebels. Naga immediately started swinging the ball and soon had an LBW and Jonny recovered from one or two wayward deliveries to comprehensively bowl the other opener hitting top of off. Andy Branton, playing his first match for 21 years, took a blinding catch at mid-off with the ball traveling at pace to add to Naga’s tally. 54 for 3.

We have wondered for a while what V stood for. Now we know. Vagina. Vaibhav Kakkad aka V lasted all of 2 overs in the field before complaining of terrible back/vagina spasms. He limped off and spent the rest of the day sunbathing while the Cavs toiled in the field, a man down.

Enter Jason “Alfie” Alfred. He texted Fry the night before “I’m just fucked up man. I must have gone too hard at practice, I’ve been super sore and not 100% at all” Fry “Get your girlfriend to give you a good massage” Alfie “ Yeah we already agreed on that lol” Fry “You’ll be fine. That new ball doesn’t deliver itself” Alfie “Alright Jefe you right lol. My girl held my body down with some Bengay” Wright Sr and Fry conferred and both agreed if you can fuck, you can bowl. Problem solved.

Alfie, showing no ill effects from the night before arrived 1.5 hours before the match. He immediately brought some West Indian spice to the attack and soon had a batsman snicking to the ever dependable hands of Wright Sr and the duo repeated the act. 74 for 5 and the Cavs on top. The Rebels continued to push hard scoring freely but Mohit Saini became the first beneficiary of what were to be 3 routine catches for Jonny Rocket in the deep. Vaik and Garry both jumped on the Rocket train as he again dazzled with his deep bucket hands in the outfield. Everything that enters his orbit is swallowed up with the efficiency of a blackhole.

William Fry showing he still has much to learn after dropping f bombs at the oppo. He has clearly been hanging out with too many Aussies along with suffering from teen angst. Maybe he was frustrated he didn’t catch his caught and bowled as Naga inexplicably shouted at him as he was about to take the catch causing him to pull out. Hopefully he will apply that caution to just around the corner female liaisons. However he did apologize to the umpire without prompting, so he is showing growth. 162 for 8 didn’t do justice to our fielding performance but 24 extras and a few too many long hops and full tosses were the problem.

The Cavs looked to its top order of Mohit, Vaik and Jonny Rocket to get things off to a fast start. Mohit was soon back in the pavilion but Jonny swung hard at everything until he was bowled for 11 off 13. 26 for 2. Vaik was placed in the running between the wickets protection program after almost running out Old Skip, Mohit and Andy B repeatedly. His new nickname is “traffic lights”. He only runs on green. He departed for 23 to bring debutant Andy Branton to the crease. He hasn’t played for 21 years and the last time he did, he scored 19 n.o for Hull Ionians. He played a series of wristy shots scoring two boundaries to race to 11 and raised his bat to the crowd after his second boundary. A Yorkshire 50 perhaps? He reached a symmetrical 19 n.o but departed with 5 balls left to bring Fry jr to the crease to play for red ink with the red ink champion of the world Mark Wright. 17 n.o.

Lipstick on a pig at 98 for 6 but way short of the chase. The Rebels were noisy, cocky and annoying and it is hoped they will be facing our 1st XI in the final for necessary retribution particularly the player with the blue bandana who was as unrelenting as FM radio with his amateurish sledging. If there is a God, Reverend Green will be delivering the sermon.

Beers and fines were dispensed. Jonny Rocket was named Man of the Match for a wicket , 3 catches and 11 runs. V was placed in Alfie’s truck cabin for some cannabis therapy for his back, Andy B downed his particularly fizzy initiation beer. The Cavs move on to 3 matches on Saturday. The 1st XI must beat the Huskies to advance. The 2nd XI must win both matches to make the 3/4th play off on Sunday.

Amicitia et Bengay was the order of the day.

Cheers,

James